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28.05.2004, 13:34
Hello, uv. The female psychologist (if he here is), and all participants of this conference. Perhaps, someone will help or assist us with this, on the first vzljad, idle time, but on the second - to rather strange situation... .ochen it would be desirable to understand, more precisely, to help or assist to understand to my younger sister (it or she does not have access here). And has put here in what. I shall try to state as much as possible consistently and clearly, though it trudnovato))). And so. To her 23 years. She married 2 years (without children), with the husband is familiar 3, this person - was its or her first serious attitudes or relations with men in a life. (and it would be desirable to add in advance - as well as with people in general why - will understand below, but I feel, what is it can have not last value or meaning;importance in their situation).... And events such: Half a year the sister something very much excruciated the last, she was in a constant internal strain, trouble therefore comes to conclusion and informs me (only with me shares), that she HAS understood, that does not like the husband, that her like something does not suffice in attitudes or relations, and something concrete contra it or him cannot tell or say - neither to qualities har-ra, nor to its or his habits and t. d at it or her claims are not present. Moreover - he definitely positive, close or attentive, and it or her is likes - terrible... Its or her arguments - something is simple " not that ", and also......... The DOG whom have got or started at mutual desire but which now irritates it or her "hyperactivity" and a wool in an apartment. The husband - does not wish to get rid of an animal... In the meantime the sister is so convinced, that its or her husband - not "that" person, and so in despair, that available on divorce. Its or her all strain and pavor now - how to tell or say to the husband, that she does not like it or him and that wishes to get divorced. I tried to help or assist to understand to her, whether she "gets excited", whether in the business and there was no love from its or her party or side as she speaks, in fact back dearly, likely, is not present.... Like, despite of all my reasonings and cautions, assures, that is exact not ljubiti that a pier, is solved, she leaves from it or him. And here - he learns or finds out, she - moves to mum. Suddenly - at it or her almost depression, when it has appeared what to live with mum (and the grandfather) is boring, to go there is no place (except for job), and is nobody, the habitual way of life is broken or disturbed and it is impossible to retire. Suddenly - starts TO be afraid: " And suddenly I shall meet nobody?... And of an occurring - I shall not grow fond?... And I shall grow fond - and he any narcomaniac?.... And suddenly worse the husband will get on har-ru? " Vobshchem, it is put. The garden simply ()) Starts to speak my comment, that did not know, that so all will be serious, and EVEN, like misses on the husband: " to Me with it or him it was good.... We walked.... " . After week life separately, at one of their occurrings (he helps or assists her to transport things to mum), and whisperings - all over again suggests him to meet and spend time simply (t. To. A dog does not want), but after its or his promise to give a dog - take a heap of its or her things..... Also go together home. There was an impression, that (for the first time in a life Earlier!) She has made a decision and has made uneasy, but the important step in a life. Now - it is already obscure, whether she knows, that it is necessary for her...... She - again is nervous iz-for everything, to the psychoanalyst is going to... It seems to me strange, and it is possible or probable also wrong its or her such fast change of the decision... Here questions: How to understand to her to understand, what is it - love, whether she likes the husband? Whether such things, as a dog, the disorder in the house, " a cosiness and harmony ", a cat can. She so likes, - to have crucial importance at the decision to finish or stop attitudes or relations and to divorce? What is it - it is simple she does not know, that such love, its or her problem - the hypertrophied aspiration to the order, comfort which eclipses ALL THIS and a cat is not able to appreciate the attitude or relation, or. It is necessary "to treat"? Its or Her husband compares it or her to a cat who is adhered to a situation more, than to people. It is similar to the truth. And that I shall tell at last, probably, the MOST IMPORTANT about the sister, will probably give you the some, and the full explanation told or said can also. So, please, before to answer the questions set by me above, pay attention to the following, probably, you will advise her to borrow or occupy in this subject..... The little sister - very closed, skrytnyj the person, words you will extend, emotion on the face you will not see. She - since the childhood was always lonely, always one, dialogue normal, not friends or even one girlfriend. e. It or she did not have skills (or experience) mezhchel. Attitudes or relations, and that is why. The matter is that practically with it is put. A garden. Age at it or her hair have started to drop out. All more strongly and more quickly, as a result already in 1 class at it or her was a baldness (as it has appeared, it happens iz-for a bionomics, were in a blood ogrom. kol-in serious metals! Years about 16 it or her it was possible to cure, now magnificent hair). e. All school until have begun rosti hair, she has stayed for houses in isolation (children are very severe), teachers came to her on the house, only she and saw them. Then, when have won illness or disease and she has returned, has more precisely come to collective rovestnikov, she and continued to be intimidated, perceived their hostilely adjusted or hostilely set up and severe (in fact so she them remembered), here poetomu-that and not friends, not friends did not appear, it or her considered or counted from, likely, strange and the snob, in fact its or her face - she has learned so to leave in herself, that any muscle has trembled never... And here, gradually, the sister began to mature (and she in "childhood" and has got stuck infantilisms of this, oh as for a long time), gradually she has started to smile and even to be to more sociable.... And here, years in 19, at this stage she also gets acquainted with the husband... But he knows nothing (and till now too), about its or her last problems. In 20 marries... (voz-but, it is simple " by inertia ", iz-for psihologich. And sotsial. Dismaturities, instead of under the conscious decision? What will tell or say on all this? What first of all it is necessary for her? What to her to do or make with the marriage or spoilage? Voz-but whether, what in its or her case - she yet " was not developed not simply ", and here - there is something even more serious?...... Excuse, I have tired probably))) I Shall be infinitely glad also to efficient ideas of participants of conference...